How extroverts can thrive with their introverted spouses.

My lady is an extrovert. What does that mean? It means that she gets her energy by feeding off other people’s energy. She loves meeting new people and interacting with them. She just loves the energy people exude.

Contrast this with me. I get my energy and inspiration from solitude. I have no problem interacting with people and being outgoing, but it leaves me drained and needing time away from humanity. After work, I just love to be indoors, either reading a book, watching something on Netflix, or gaming with different people around the world.

Let’s face it; if you’re an extrovert married to an introvert, there are usually many dilemmas on doing things together especially during the weekend. So how do you thrive when you feel like getting your introverted spouse to socialize involves coercion and bribery?

  1. Recognize who they are – You should find it really important to step back and recognize who your husband/wife was and what “filled his cup,” per se. This also meant accepting that he/she doesn’t gravitate to social activities to be content. 

2. Be open to communicating your differences – A lot of our conflict was resolved by being open and honest about our frustrations. And—key, here!—listening to the other’s point of view without the intent of correcting them as if they are wrong. You’ll probably discover most of your frustrations are the mirror image of the others.

3. Find compromises – it’s totally okay to leave your spouse behind and head out. It will be difficult at first, but it will be okay.

4. Seek togetherness – Try and do as many things together and if possible involve mutual friends or family.

5. Don’t be demanding – Learn to find fulfillment in your time together, and also learn to appreciate quiet time in the house.

It is critical to consider the person’s needs as valid and not invalidate their needs

Let’s be honest. It can be a tricky balance, extrovert to introvert. There are a lot of areas for potential tension. If you’re in a relationship with this tug and pull, it is critical to consider the person’s needs as valid and not invalidate their needs simply because you do not relate. This understanding of the other person will lead to mutual respect versus constant war.

Extroverts normally assume that introverts do not like people, or are shy, standoffish, homebound individuals. The reality is, sometimes introverts can be more outgoing than an extrovert! They genuinely value relationships and other people. Shyness may have nothing to do with them as a person. It is simply that they become mentally and emotionally tired.

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