For you to distinguish between a fake legal tender and a real one, you need to interact with the real ones long enough, to know the fakes when they land on your palm. The game of love is so too.
In order to distinguish between genuine and toxic love, we must be exposed to the nature of genuine love. Genuine and true love is kind, pure, and safe. Relationships are easy in this kind of love.
Where the concern of your significant other is you before them, and where your concern is them before you, then true love thrives. True love is secure and warm and is accompanied by trust.
However, toxic love masquerades itself in the brightness of love but inside, is a wolf in sheep clothing. Identifying toxic love can sometimes be a hurdle because the partner might come out as caring and nice in some relationships, but deep down the underlying intention is different. For instance; imagine a case where your partner picks you up every time from work or wants to know everywhere you are at all times…. It may seem caring right?
But underneath those actions is insecurity and lack of trust masquerading as ‘care’. Toxic love is where a partner may wrong you and shift the blame to you through emotional manipulation to the extent of making you apologize to them for their own faults.
This article is here to teach you a few obvious signs of toxic love, that will help you spot this kind of love from a mile.
1. Use of threats to manipulate your partner
Have you had an experience where your partner gave you a condition as severe as a break-up if you didn’t do something they wanted? Or a situation where your partner subtly asked you to do something you didn’t want to do to prove your love to them?
Statements such as, ‘’If you love me you will…,’’ or ‘’If you don’t I will…’’ are common in this context.
Conditions provided in this context are most severe and sound insecure, and are also provided even to the very least of offenses. If you have noticed a series of such in your relationship before, you might just want to evaluate the state of your relationship.
2. Name calling and put downs
A partner who loves you and cares about you will do their best to encourage you through their words and actions. For some, wordplay might not be their cup of tea but they will never use negative words against you.
Toxic partners always seem to make it their goal to put the other down. Their words may be sarcastic, hateful, and disrespectful, the tone is not at all times loud and angry but masquerades itself in subtle ways.
Words like ‘’You can’t make it; you aren’t enough, You’re worthless.’’ are always signs of a toxic partner. Evaluate your partners’ words and find out whether they are toxic or not.
3. Restricting your partner from working or pursuing their dreams
A partner who forces you to quit your job in order to depend on their income is not a suitable partner.
Toxic partners always seek to control everything about you including your dreams and goals. They force you into quitting your goals and dreams instead of encouraging you into attaining them. This toxic desire mostly attributes to insecurity; when your partner feels like you could be more successful than they are.
4. Physical /violent abuse
Don’t lose your life trying to save a broken marriage or relationship. Nothing necessitates physical abuse or violence unless it’s a life-threatening situation. Any partner who beats you or hits you repeatedly is toxic. If your partner is physically abusive you need to seek help from the local authorities or seek a therapist or Pastors advice.
5. Partners fail to take full responsibility when at fault
Saying a genuine sorry or accepting a mistake shows vulnerability towards the partner you have wronged. Pride and ego often make toxic partners deny their own mistakes. Surprisingly in some scenarios, toxic partners manipulate their significant other to apologize for a mistake they themselves made.
Words like, ‘’Babe, I am sorry, I didn’t know that I hurt you. etc…’ are frequent in healthy relationships. Such words express two fundamental aspects of healthy relationships: responsibility and vulnerability. Vulnerability is seen by many as a weakness. It is, however, important to remember that every superman has a Clark Kent, and every Batman has a Bruce Wayne. Expressing our vulnerabilities to our partners shows a great deal of trust and love.